Monday, September 10, 2007
Cleaning out the closet
Today I started gutting my books shelves and have hopes of heading toward the closets to get rid of all that extra stuff that I keep saving for *someday* when it might be useful, but really it's moved at least 3 times and never been needed, it's time for it to go. As I sorted through the bookshelves, there were, of course, the old college readers. In them there were also tests, essays, homework assignments, and journal entries. Most of it is hitting the round file straight away, other parts though seemed blog-worthy in one sense or another, at least for the sake of "the record". But since many things are 5-7 years old, it didn't seem fully appropriate to overload my current blog with those entries. So here they are....
Monday, January 29, 2001
Getting Down to the Deep Motives
(worksheet from Education 193B) 1-29-01
Our deepest motivations produce the greatest energy and determine where we will invest our time, energy, and talent...thereby determining what we will do and achieve!
I owe a debt!
....to BB because she taught me the importance of hard work and determination
....to my parents because they have given me so many opportunities and taught me so many things.
....out of my indebtedness I need to write/send a note so they know my gratitude and try to fill their role for others.
Persons I love and want to please:
....my father
...my mother
...my grandmother
I want to please my father because he has always helped and pushed me to do my best.
I want to please God because God has allowed me to do so much and blessed me in so many ways.
Out of my desire to please the above persons, I intend to: work diligently to work to my ability and live by moral standards.
What I love
...when i can help someone else
...when i am teaching others
...to think about making others happy and brightening their day
....to lift someone's spirit
...(would love) to help those in need (foster/abused kids and sexual/domestic violence victims).
...to make a difference and be an example.
...be in a career of helping (i.e., teaching, social work, counseling, pastoral care)
My compassions
...it kills me to see others hurting
...it kills me to think about losing my loved ones.
...I die a little each time I can't help another.
...I die a little each day that I'm focusing on myself and not aware of others.
....My compassions, what kills me and makes me die inside, tells me that I want to make a difference by helping others.
Being alive
I'm most alive when I teach.
I'm most alive when I am learning new things.
I come alive when I can help or teach someone something new.
The times when I'm most fully alive are when I am with my family.
I want to experience more moments of aliveness by having a family of my own.
My Deep Emotions
Two of my deepest emotions include 1) guilt. 2) love.
I feel deepest about my family and their well-being.
My deep emotions and feelings let me know that I am deeply motivated to have a family that I spend time with.
The person I want to become and be
I've always dreamed that I would help in a counseling forum.
I will feel that I've been successful if I have helped those around me.
I will move from successful to significant if I can positively impact the lives of those around me.
The two qualities that characterize the person I am motivated to become are: 1) honest. 2) loving.
Summary and Conclusions
My deepest motivations are:
1) to have a family
2) to be educated and to teach my loved ones and others.
3) to be a teacher of the Lord.
4) to help people out of harmful or abusive situations.
Academic Achievement Motivations
My deepest motivations are connected to me being a high academic achiever in the following ways: I need to know the ways of the world and about theories of thought etc and about the Bible so that I may be a valuable resource.
Our deepest motivations produce the greatest energy and determine where we will invest our time, energy, and talent...thereby determining what we will do and achieve!
I owe a debt!
....to BB because she taught me the importance of hard work and determination
....to my parents because they have given me so many opportunities and taught me so many things.
....out of my indebtedness I need to write/send a note so they know my gratitude and try to fill their role for others.
Persons I love and want to please:
....my father
...my mother
...my grandmother
I want to please my father because he has always helped and pushed me to do my best.
I want to please God because God has allowed me to do so much and blessed me in so many ways.
Out of my desire to please the above persons, I intend to: work diligently to work to my ability and live by moral standards.
What I love
...when i can help someone else
...when i am teaching others
...to think about making others happy and brightening their day
....to lift someone's spirit
...(would love) to help those in need (foster/abused kids and sexual/domestic violence victims).
...to make a difference and be an example.
...be in a career of helping (i.e., teaching, social work, counseling, pastoral care)
My compassions
...it kills me to see others hurting
...it kills me to think about losing my loved ones.
...I die a little each time I can't help another.
...I die a little each day that I'm focusing on myself and not aware of others.
....My compassions, what kills me and makes me die inside, tells me that I want to make a difference by helping others.
Being alive
I'm most alive when I teach.
I'm most alive when I am learning new things.
I come alive when I can help or teach someone something new.
The times when I'm most fully alive are when I am with my family.
I want to experience more moments of aliveness by having a family of my own.
My Deep Emotions
Two of my deepest emotions include 1) guilt. 2) love.
I feel deepest about my family and their well-being.
My deep emotions and feelings let me know that I am deeply motivated to have a family that I spend time with.
The person I want to become and be
I've always dreamed that I would help in a counseling forum.
I will feel that I've been successful if I have helped those around me.
I will move from successful to significant if I can positively impact the lives of those around me.
The two qualities that characterize the person I am motivated to become are: 1) honest. 2) loving.
Summary and Conclusions
My deepest motivations are:
1) to have a family
2) to be educated and to teach my loved ones and others.
3) to be a teacher of the Lord.
4) to help people out of harmful or abusive situations.
Academic Achievement Motivations
My deepest motivations are connected to me being a high academic achiever in the following ways: I need to know the ways of the world and about theories of thought etc and about the Bible so that I may be a valuable resource.
Sunday, January 21, 2001
Self assessment
Assessing your past and present life and setting a direction for your future:
1-22-01
1991-1996 (age 9-13)
The best thing that happened: David moved out. The distance helped change him and thus brought us closer together.
The worst thing that happened: I stopped going to church regularly.
1996-2001 (age 14-19)
The best thing that happened: I came to the realization that there is always something to learn and life is an amazing gift from God.
The worst thing that happened: not being sure that those around me know how important they are to me.
2001 (age 19)
The best thing that is happening: I am learning, growing, and experiencing new things every day. I am able to be a part of so many things and reach out and help lots of people.
The worst thing that is happening: I have a tendency to over-commit and try and be perfect at all I am doing. That can lead me to be a bit low.
Goals for the next 5 years 2001-2006 (age 19-24)
What I definitely want: to go to grad school of some sort and be working on my degree. I want to do some traveling and I want to have met my future husband.
What I definitely don't want: I do not want to be working fast food and to have given up on a professional career.
Goals for the next 6-10 years 2006-2010 (age 24-29)
What I definitely want: to be married and starting my career. I want to be spending time with family.
What I definitely don't want: to only be seeing family once a year.
Current Reflections (9/10/2007)
Well, the good news is, in general I have accomplished my goals. Grad school--check. Earned my degree--check. Travel--check (times 13--13 different countries since I wrote that statement!) Future husband--no check. I am pretty sure I didn't meet him between 2001-2006, at least if we know each other, I have no idea that marriage is in our future! Spending time with family--check. At the time I wrote this, I had to ask both of my parents what their thoughts were, both pretty much said I was too vague...hey, but with vague goals at least they can be achieved! at least for me. Off the cuff, if I had to do this assessment all over again evaluating the 2001-2006 period, the NOW of 2007 and then setting goals for the next 5 years, 2007-2012, and then next 6-10 years, 2012-2017....hmmmm....
2001-2006 (age 19-24)
The best thing that happened: living abroad--broadening my horizons, changing my perspectives, risking, stretching myself even when it was painful, and making life-long friendships.
The worst thing that happened: dealing with fairly crazy narcissistic men and being stalked by them.
Now--2007 (age 26)
The best thing that is happening: I am really enjoying life. I am filled with joy. My church is growing. I love what I do!
The worst thing that is happening: I am never satisfied with my own efforts. I never feel like what I do is good enough, or sufficient. There is always more to be done, and that can be fairly discouraging.
Next 5 years, 2007-2012 (age 26-31)
What I definitely want: I'd still love to have a family of my own. Get married, have babies, be a mom and a wife. I'd love for my Latino congregation to grow to a self-sustaining chartered church--at least 250 members. I want it to be a church other pastors get excited about being assigned to.
What I definitely don't want: to be disgruntled and disheartened by the church such that I lose hope for our future.
Next 6-10 years, 2012-2017 (age 31-36)
What I definitely want: to have climbed to the top of a big mountain (Mt. Whitney, Kilimanjaro, etc); to be working at or establishing my *ideal* congregation--multi-cultural, multi-ethnic, multi-lingual, multi-generational, and multi-traditional. I want to be inspired and energized about living life, loving my family, and the work I am doing.
What I definitely don't want: to be stagnant in my ministry or in my (potential) marriage/family.
1-22-01
1991-1996 (age 9-13)
The best thing that happened: David moved out. The distance helped change him and thus brought us closer together.
The worst thing that happened: I stopped going to church regularly.
1996-2001 (age 14-19)
The best thing that happened: I came to the realization that there is always something to learn and life is an amazing gift from God.
The worst thing that happened: not being sure that those around me know how important they are to me.
2001 (age 19)
The best thing that is happening: I am learning, growing, and experiencing new things every day. I am able to be a part of so many things and reach out and help lots of people.
The worst thing that is happening: I have a tendency to over-commit and try and be perfect at all I am doing. That can lead me to be a bit low.
Goals for the next 5 years 2001-2006 (age 19-24)
What I definitely want: to go to grad school of some sort and be working on my degree. I want to do some traveling and I want to have met my future husband.
What I definitely don't want: I do not want to be working fast food and to have given up on a professional career.
Goals for the next 6-10 years 2006-2010 (age 24-29)
What I definitely want: to be married and starting my career. I want to be spending time with family.
What I definitely don't want: to only be seeing family once a year.
Current Reflections (9/10/2007)
Well, the good news is, in general I have accomplished my goals. Grad school--check. Earned my degree--check. Travel--check (times 13--13 different countries since I wrote that statement!) Future husband--no check. I am pretty sure I didn't meet him between 2001-2006, at least if we know each other, I have no idea that marriage is in our future! Spending time with family--check. At the time I wrote this, I had to ask both of my parents what their thoughts were, both pretty much said I was too vague...hey, but with vague goals at least they can be achieved! at least for me. Off the cuff, if I had to do this assessment all over again evaluating the 2001-2006 period, the NOW of 2007 and then setting goals for the next 5 years, 2007-2012, and then next 6-10 years, 2012-2017....hmmmm....
2001-2006 (age 19-24)
The best thing that happened: living abroad--broadening my horizons, changing my perspectives, risking, stretching myself even when it was painful, and making life-long friendships.
The worst thing that happened: dealing with fairly crazy narcissistic men and being stalked by them.
Now--2007 (age 26)
The best thing that is happening: I am really enjoying life. I am filled with joy. My church is growing. I love what I do!
The worst thing that is happening: I am never satisfied with my own efforts. I never feel like what I do is good enough, or sufficient. There is always more to be done, and that can be fairly discouraging.
Next 5 years, 2007-2012 (age 26-31)
What I definitely want: I'd still love to have a family of my own. Get married, have babies, be a mom and a wife. I'd love for my Latino congregation to grow to a self-sustaining chartered church--at least 250 members. I want it to be a church other pastors get excited about being assigned to.
What I definitely don't want: to be disgruntled and disheartened by the church such that I lose hope for our future.
Next 6-10 years, 2012-2017 (age 31-36)
What I definitely want: to have climbed to the top of a big mountain (Mt. Whitney, Kilimanjaro, etc); to be working at or establishing my *ideal* congregation--multi-cultural, multi-ethnic, multi-lingual, multi-generational, and multi-traditional. I want to be inspired and energized about living life, loving my family, and the work I am doing.
What I definitely don't want: to be stagnant in my ministry or in my (potential) marriage/family.
Monday, November 20, 2000
Strengths Finder
Strengths Finder Student Strategies (http://student.gallup.com) 11/20/00
Of 34 strengths, these are my top was:
Achiever
Your achiever theme helps explain your drive. Achiever describes a constant need for achievement. You feel as if every day starts at zero. By the end of the day you must achieve something tangible in order to feel good about yourself. And by "every day", you mean every single day--workdays, weekends, vacations. No matter how much you may feel you deserve a day of rest, if the day passes without some form of achievement, no matter how small, you will feel dissatisfied. You have an internal fire burning inside of you. It pushes you to do more, to achieve more. After each accomplishment is reached, the fire dwindles for a moment, but very soon it rekindles itself, forcing you toward the next accomplishment. Your relentless need for achievement might not be logical. It might not even be focused. But, it will always be with you. As an achiever you must learn to live with this whisper of discontent. It does have its benefits. It brings you the energy you need to work long hours without burning out. It is the jolt you can always count on to get you started on new tasks, new challenges. It is the power supply that causes you to set the pace and define the levels of productivity for your work group. It is the theme that keeps you moving.
(Current reflections 9/10/07)
This attribute is so interesting to revisit. In many ways this characteristic is so ingrained in me that I can't even imagine others not having it. I am always concerned with doing things, getting things done, crossing them off my list, that I automatically assume others will be interested in the same. Not so. There is something called the DISC profile, it's another personality/leadership test of sorts. I fall with a high D and then follow with an I--this achiever business was echoed in that test when I took it last March. Slow and steady wins the race is not my motto, I'm a "get it done and move on" kinda gal. Not that I don't care about the end results, believe me, I do, just that I want things to be accomplished, cross-off-able, so to speak. And yes, this presents serious problems in the ministerial world because a good majority of my work is not about achievement, not measurable achievement anyway, it's about the transformation of persons and the world....and that, my friends, is time intensive!
It's good for me to revisit this type of analysis--I think it helps reign me in a bit, temper my expectations, and reminds me to take some time to breathe and be patient with life.
Of 34 strengths, these are my top was:
Achiever
Your achiever theme helps explain your drive. Achiever describes a constant need for achievement. You feel as if every day starts at zero. By the end of the day you must achieve something tangible in order to feel good about yourself. And by "every day", you mean every single day--workdays, weekends, vacations. No matter how much you may feel you deserve a day of rest, if the day passes without some form of achievement, no matter how small, you will feel dissatisfied. You have an internal fire burning inside of you. It pushes you to do more, to achieve more. After each accomplishment is reached, the fire dwindles for a moment, but very soon it rekindles itself, forcing you toward the next accomplishment. Your relentless need for achievement might not be logical. It might not even be focused. But, it will always be with you. As an achiever you must learn to live with this whisper of discontent. It does have its benefits. It brings you the energy you need to work long hours without burning out. It is the jolt you can always count on to get you started on new tasks, new challenges. It is the power supply that causes you to set the pace and define the levels of productivity for your work group. It is the theme that keeps you moving.
(Current reflections 9/10/07)
This attribute is so interesting to revisit. In many ways this characteristic is so ingrained in me that I can't even imagine others not having it. I am always concerned with doing things, getting things done, crossing them off my list, that I automatically assume others will be interested in the same. Not so. There is something called the DISC profile, it's another personality/leadership test of sorts. I fall with a high D and then follow with an I--this achiever business was echoed in that test when I took it last March. Slow and steady wins the race is not my motto, I'm a "get it done and move on" kinda gal. Not that I don't care about the end results, believe me, I do, just that I want things to be accomplished, cross-off-able, so to speak. And yes, this presents serious problems in the ministerial world because a good majority of my work is not about achievement, not measurable achievement anyway, it's about the transformation of persons and the world....and that, my friends, is time intensive!
It's good for me to revisit this type of analysis--I think it helps reign me in a bit, temper my expectations, and reminds me to take some time to breathe and be patient with life.
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